Sarah Blesi Discusses Struggles Women Face in Networking

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In this episode of "Struggles," host Chris Inman is joined by guest Sarah Blesi to discuss the nuances and challenges women face in professional networking environments. Sarah shares a personal anecdote about the importance of accepting help when offered for safety reasons and delves into broader topics, such as maintaining professional boundaries in conversations and communications. They also address the discomfort that can arise from inappropriate behavior, such as unsolicited emotional conversations, over-drinking at events, and physical touch. Together, they highlight the importance of fostering a respectful atmosphere that encourages female participation and comfort at networking events. The episode concludes with a call for both men and women to share their experiences and work towards creating better professional environments.

Episode Time Stamps:

1. Introduction [00:00]
2. Scaling a Business [5:30]
3. Leadership Hurdles [10:45]
4. Financial Planning [15:00]
5. Real-World Networking Experiences [20:15]
6. Professional Boundaries [25:30]
7. Final Thoughts and Takeaways [30:45]

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Chapters

• 6:04 Weekend texts unprofessional; work hours are 8-6.
• 9:24 Unfamiliarity causes discomfort with physical contact.
• 10:15 Consider their perspective to ensure their comfort.

Transcript

0:00

Here I want to, you know, be this independent woman and professional. I was leaving a networking event. It was kind of. It was dark out. I don't think it was necessarily late, but I remember it being dark, and my car was parked in a parking lot that nobody else was going towards. So we were leaving as a group. I peeled off to go to my car, and the guys were like, hey, do you want us to walk to your car? And my first reaction was, no, I'm fine. I can take her. You know, I can take care of myself. And I took two steps towards this dark parking lot, and I thought, what an idiot I am. This is like. I turned back, I was like, hey, you guys, can you walk me to my car? So, you know, there's situational, you know, reasons why we do things. And so anyway, that just kind of, like, made me think of that. Like, you know, these aren't hard no's and yeses. It's just kind of do the right. Do the right thing, be a gentleman, but don't go too far. So. Welcome to another episode of Struggles, presented by ncbi, the podcast where we navigate challenges together. Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Struggles, presented by ncbi. This is Chris Inman with Idea Cleveland. And Sarah Blasey with simple, clear payments. And Sarah is one of our only female leaders on ncbi that I am. So you deal with all of us men, which most women would say sounds miserable, but you actually enjoy working within the male professional world. Like, there's not. And I. I do, I do. I always have. I grew up a tomboy. My mother worked afternoons, so it was my brother, my dad, and I. And we would do guy things because that's what they did. And I tagged along. So I'm just used to the environment. So you're comfortable hanging out with, going to a networking event and maybe only having the minority be female, and which. Is often the case. Which is often the case. So there are guys that don't know how to sometimes act appropriate. That's for sure. When the female enters the room. I've heard groups in bni, like, all of a sudden, a attractive woman walks in the room and the guys are elbowing each other. Like, that's not appropriate. Correct. The woman shows up for the networking event at the bar, and all of a sudden, it's not single time. It's professional conversation time, and people are inappropriate. It can happen. And I will say, for the most part, rarely do things happen. Most of the gentlemen that we all deal with are absolute professionals. And I have no qualms or worries about. But there are. And there have been situations where I have kind of stood back a little bit and gotten a little nervous or a little uncomfortable. And it's those types of things that I don't know, we can maybe we can highlight so that, yeah, we're gonna talk about that. Some things that kind of avoid, that kind of happen. Kind of avoid. And let's be honest, let's all be better people. We're not calling out anybody individually. But think about your way of going out and networking with professional women. So the first thing is kind of like the conversation in general, right? So a network event is a professional event. The topics of conversation during that event should remain professional. And that may seem obvious, but there are many times, not many times, but oftentimes where I'll be talking to somebody, a gentleman in particular, not a particular gentleman, but somebody, and they'll just start talking about their marital problems or a problem with a spouse, a significant other. And it's kind of like. So they think you're therapy. Yeah. Or here's a woman, I can tell her my problems. No, if you're not going to tell your guy friends about that, I mean, I'm glad you see me as somebody who you want to share with, but that's not an appropriate topic of conversation for a networking event and that happens surprisingly often. It's not a comfortable conversation or topic to have and it just, again, it just whatever. So it's really like leaning on you as therapy. Just leaning on me for a non professional. And that's what I don't like. I mean the two of us have been together, you know, professional, like whatever friends for a while. So like we talk about like kids and Christmas and holidays. That's normal networking communication when you're out and about. We're not taking this to this weird. Like every time I see Sarah, we must be very businesslike and robotic. Oh, of course. We have to take this to. You and I have known each other for a while now. So our topics of conversation may bleed over a little bit into the personal life. I mean, I know your wife, I know your kids, that's different. But if we're in a new. If I'm meeting somebody for the first time, second time, I don't have that length of history with them. That's when I get uncomfortable. Like I don't know you. Why are you telling me about this? That just makes me feel as though you're not respecting me as a professional. You're not respecting me, me As a woman, and you think something else is going on here, and that just. That's where I caution. That's where I want to caution you. That emotional conversation, I think, is what you're really trying to embed there. Right, Exactly. The emotional conversation should not be there. Right? Yes. That's a good delineation. You just came back from Vegas, like, last year, you went to Vegas having a conversation about your Vegas trip. Yes. It's not professional, but having those conversation networking events is normal because that's how you build relationships with them. Absolutely. So we just want to make sure that people understand the difference that we're trying to say here. Right. And there's nuance to this. Right. It's not all black and white. There is gray area, and it's just like, yeah, 100%. And then you leave the event and then there's the conversation after, too. That there's boundaries. Well, no, absolutely. Right. So oftentimes I'm giving my card out. Well, a lot of us have our, you know, my cell phone number is on my card. That's my personal cell phone number. And maybe it's not the right decision. Maybe I need to update that. But that doesn't give people the right or the. I don't say the authority, but it doesn't mean. Text me anytime you want to. And it's amazing how many times I'll get a text after hours or on the weekend, and I'm like, okay, again, this is a professional relationship. Professional working hours, in my mind are from eight to maybe six. That is, like, within the professional working hours. When you start texting somebody after those hours, again, that dynamic is shifting. And that's not, in my opinion, professional. Yes, 100%, yes. All right, so kind of watch what, the conversations and then the timeframes when you, you know. Absolutely. Yes. It's a Saturday night. I shouldn't be texting Sarah about, hey, are you going out for a drink or something? That's taking it over the line. Just because. That is correct. All right, we made that very clear. All right, next, we meet people at these events, most social happy hours. There's alcohol involved. Yes. And again, you said it before, we're all adults. Let's just act like adults. Nobody wants a drunken jerk at the bar. I mean, we as women, don't forget that. And it's just embarrassing. So you guys are all professional men. You get it? Do that with your guy friends on a Saturday night. Don't do it. Don't overdrink. I love a cocktail. I Like to relax. I like to have fun. Keep it at a minimum. No woman wants to be around drunk men. It's intimidating and it's oftentimes scary. Cause that's when anything. What did our moms always say? Nothing good happens after 10 or whatever. Nothing good happens when everybody's drinking too much. And there's nothing that screams unprofessionalism as over drinking at a networking area. I haven't seen anybody doing it in a very, very long time. But I've seen people doing shots at networking events. Yeah, it's not a problem. And you're like, why, why, why, why? Yeah, save that for another time. And you know, another thing is. And I don't know if any other women would agree with me, but I don't like when a man asks to buy me a drink. I'm there. I'm a professional. I can buy my own drinks. Again, I like when a man holds a door for me. And so there's some. Again, so there's some double standards, maybe. I think what you're saying though, with that they're calling you out, you're in a group of three other individuals. They're not saying, does anyone would like a drink? Yeah. They're saying, sarah, would you. You let me buy you a drink. And then there's. Is there an expectation there? And you just don't want. You want to avoid any perception of expectation, quid pro quo type situation. Correct. Now it's just. Cause I've bought drinks for groups and I've received drinks from a bought group. Absolutely. And you have to. There's always exceptions, Correct? Absolutely. But it's the. Hey, I'm go grab beer. Can I get you one? Yeah, yeah. So with that, you're out. And about your third one. Third thing that makes me highly uncomfortable would be, again, this doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it just kind of triggers me a little bit. Is touching. And I don't mean you're not even saying inappropriate touching. Yeah, just like. Like I'm not slapping you on your ass. No, just even like a bit of. God, no, that's pretty clear. That's not. Don't do that. Anybody. Clear. But even like a tap on the shoulder or even like a little like shoulder. I don't know, a handshake obviously is appropriate. But when it goes beyond that, when you don't really know somebody, at least for me, I get a little bit of the heebie jeebies. And any of my friends or people who I do know, well, I'LL hug on a regular basis. I mean, I'm not a germaphobe. I'm not a not touch person. But if I don't know you, I have a. I don't want. There's boundaries. There is a firm boundary on touch. And it just for. And I think too, when you're. What I want, the. What I want men to recognize is when there's a woman or a handful of women in a large group of men, these women are. They're gonna be on kind of high alert because you kind of feel it's not always a very comfortable situation. So make sure you're going the extra mile to make them to not touch them or not. You know what I mean? Like, it's. Just try to see things from their perspective, talk to them to keep things professional. But make sure you realize that it's not very. In some women more than others, if you would see me in any event, you probably recognize I'm pretty comfortable. I mean, I've been doing this for years. I enjoy it. But I see younger women in my industry or across industries who come to these things and are very intimidated by that scenario. And if you're doing something like, even like a tap on the shoulder, just recognize that may make them very uncomfortable. And what we don't want to do is create a scenario where they don't want to come back. Because there's so many valuable women within our organizations that we want to support, we want to encourage, we want to introduce them to the right people and help them grow their own businesses. So the real goal is to really make everybody feel comfortable and seen and heard and respected. And that's really what the goal is. So these tips are really to help enable men to be the best versions of themselves and to do the right things in these environments so that women don't feel uncomfortable and show up and really are able to communicate what they're trying to communicate in these events and what they're trying to do. So, you know, there's always people you would love to meet, introduce, get a better relationship with, as a male. And I find inviting them to a networking event is so nice now because now there's no expectations. Let's go out for coffee. 101. Let's go out for lunch. Like that just sounds more intimidating. If I was the female, absolutely. And I get it. I'm not blind to what the situation is. So that's why I think men, if you. Somebody, you're like, I would love to meet this person that works for XYZ and be a great lead. Or maybe I have some. Something to offer to them to connect them with somebody else. Invite them to a networking event. Absolutely, absolutely. Because that's where the comfort comes in. So much better. You're so right. You're so right. And NCBI offers a lot of those opportunities. Right. Because we have our regular socials and those are great opportunities to bring people to a group. Not only to your point, to meet other people, but that kind of safety net in numbers. And that really does make a difference. Yes. Again, as maybe another odd thing is. Let's grab coffee. Okay. What does that mean? Yeah, you're saying that randomly, as somebody you just connected with on LinkedIn. Yeah. So it's a little. It's a little bit intimidating. But hey, come to the event. There's going to be a bunch of us together. I think I can introduce you to a few people, would love to get to know more about your business. Absolutely. Sign me up. Yeah, way better. Well, Sarah, thanks for sharing these great. Thank you. And hopefully the men in the group kind of think about how we could be better. We should always be better tomorrow than we are today, no matter what the case might be. And females, if you're listening, what are some. Some things that you think that we left off this list and how we can improve it? And thanks for joining, Sarah. Thank you. And thank you for listening. Have a great day. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Struggles presented by NCBI where we navigate challenges together. Don't forget to subscribe, listen and share this podcast with with others who might benefit. We'd love to hear about the struggles you're facing or have overcome, and we'd be thrilled to have you as a guest on a future episode. Let's continue this journey together.